I must admit

I don’t want you to be feel like scraps that have been left. I want to cherish you, your worth so much I cry while thinking my fears have been found out. Please. Tell me you don’t know. Please, never find out, that my deepest fear is leading you on while you don’t really understand. I’m afraid, and that is my subconscious dragging you down. I’m afraid and I want you beside me. I’m afraid that I love you and you will leave me some day. And what hunts me the most is that that fear will drive you away. I too fear that that fear manifests itself in no love at all. That it slowly left you with no caring cell. Fear can transform a human into a monster, swelling them up from the inside out. With all that anger and jealousy you cannot ever look anyone in the eye.

That is why I write, so you don’t know from my lips this insanity. So you won’t see from my actions this obsession. So this fear won’t touch your pure hands for it most die in this black words. For it most disappear from my emotions while they’re declared. And as for me, as I know my fear I’m the master of my subconscious mind. This risk will not seduce me, it maybe latent, but while conscience it will never come out.

(December 12, 2014)   

FPSA

Dry spell

Slowly.

Mystery and doubt,

everything within,

shivers. 

Falls, it trembles.

Nothing can be said.

Done,

so grey,

so unreal, 

that the imagination can't take over.

It can't be felt.

It’s so barren.

It’s a sea of sand,

of little grains that stays intact,

without movement.

The search is dry and frail.

There is no wind,

only the sun above.

Burning our scalps,

gnawing our skull.

You try skipping time,

as the wait is slow and tedious.

And still you sense it,

taking it all away,

robing your insides to get into you.

(August 1, 2014)

FPSA

What we all fear to admit

I have seen it

Its horrible threads

Hanging from their limbs

On every pieces of their bodies

I have no weapon

I have no valor

But an enemy and many wounds

I fear

It consumes all of us

Our respiration quivers

Betraying us

The only thing we can barely control

Gone

That is the silence

Of many staked bodies

Red

And an oxidizing smell

Surrounding us

It’s all they say

Without it

Peace won’t come

And with it

We all rise

Lies

Lies

Lies

Lies

They just seek power through us.

(25 de enero de 2014)

FPSA

State

My obsession is for someone else

It’s for that entity I haven’t found

There are no resources

There is no stillness

Stressing limbs

Dry mouth

I cannot pursuit what I cannot see

My eyes are blinded by your sent

Or that daydream I just created

My senses are shouted down

When reality is done for

They are taking me as their possession  

I struggle against lust

I fight against desire

I get a glimpse of reality

And again I’m taken over

Red

Dark red consumes me

Like a heavy substance

Maroon, purple

The dark side isn’t visible but felt

It’s white; in the inside it engulfs me  

It bruises me

Now it’s physical

(January 11, 2014)

FPSA