Fear

It´s so irritating how a negative event in your life can change you so much, but what is more irritating is how it can retain you from living. My scar makes me afraid of loving you, it too make me unaware of your affection, I really don´t understand if there is something happening here as I’m totally absorbed in my thoughts. Yes, my scar make me afraid of thinking you may love me back, this is as true as the lack of affection that I have received from other guys, as I have only received disgust from their words, nothing more, nothing less. These are sufficient words to make me know I´m not liked, nor seen as someone important. This is why I don’t know if believe my gut that is telling me you seem flirty, or listen to my reason that seems afraid of getting hurt.

Yes, I’m afraid of everything, of the lies, the falls, except of something positive happening. In other words, I’m afraid of rejection and loosing someone so dear, so near that could be sewed to my heart. And what is worst, I really like you, and life is too short to be wasted in fear.

(October 21, 2012)

FPSA