I must admit

I don’t want you to be feel like scraps that have been left. I want to cherish you, your worth so much I cry while thinking my fears have been found out. Please. Tell me you don’t know. Please, never find out, that my deepest fear is leading you on while you don’t really understand. I’m afraid, and that is my subconscious dragging you down. I’m afraid and I want you beside me. I’m afraid that I love you and you will leave me some day. And what hunts me the most is that that fear will drive you away. I too fear that that fear manifests itself in no love at all. That it slowly left you with no caring cell. Fear can transform a human into a monster, swelling them up from the inside out. With all that anger and jealousy you cannot ever look anyone in the eye.

That is why I write, so you don’t know from my lips this insanity. So you won’t see from my actions this obsession. So this fear won’t touch your pure hands for it most die in this black words. For it most disappear from my emotions while they’re declared. And as for me, as I know my fear I’m the master of my subconscious mind. This risk will not seduce me, it maybe latent, but while conscience it will never come out.

(December 12, 2014)   

FPSA